Non-Fiction Head Dump...

My head's a mess today. I feel a sadness that I haven't felt in such a long time.

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I don't even know why I'm posting this, to be honest, but it's not like anyone's reading this shit, or knows who the fuck I am anyway so what have I got to lose?

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Have you ever felt like you're heart was going to burst because you can feel a pain that can't be described?  I'm such an angsty bitch!

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So I read fanfiction right, and I try sometimes to write some fanfiction too but I'm pretty rubbish... I can't sustain anything for any length of time.  Well a couple of days ago, I happened across a particular fanfiction that's still a work in progress, and it's so terribly sad and moving and beautiful that I can't bear to wait another day to read more of it.  But there is no more, and there has been no more for over a year now.  Being an eternal pessimist, I fear there will be no more ever again and I don't know if I can take it. 

And because I feel that way, I start thinking like I'm not normal.  Normal people don't invest all of themselves into a piece of writing, do they? I mean it's fiction, it's not real... 

I feel the same when I hear beautiful pieces of music, some of the music is so sad that I think I get overwhelmed thinking of the pain in the heart of whoever wrote it to make it so haunting.  Do normal people think like that?

I was doing well until today.  I will do well again, but for now, I am afraid I am going to be wallowing.  I'll just have to wallow.  I will be working tonight and I will forget all about it.

And yes, I know I'm melodramatic, but I also know I am ok. I have these feelings, and they come and go.  I will feel better later. 

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My thoughts are incoherent at best.

xX:ATOU:Xx